Past, Present & Future

 We expect something to happen in a certain way. We have built a future on that happening. It doesn't and we get depressed. 

There might be something that happened in the past either done by us or done to us. Either way, it caused us pain and we regret that. We keep going back there and hope to erase that. 

In both of these situations, what we are doing is not helpful. Both of them are a story that we tell ourselves and we have the power to rewrite the story. 

Lori Gottileb in her book - "Maybe you should talk to someone" talks about how to manage the pain the past and the future. 

Pain feels like it's in the present but it's actually in the past and the future. If we don't accept the notion that as much as we try and fix what happened years ago, our pasts will keep us stuck. We need to change our relationship to the past.  

Our notion of future can be as powerful roadblock to change. Future happens later but we're creating it in our minds everyday. When the present falls apart, so does the future we associated with it. 

If we try to spend the present trying to fix the past or control the future, we will remain stuck in place in regret. The solution is to focus on the present and focus less on the future. 

Plan your day

My default state is distraction. What that means is that if I'm doing something, I can suddenly jump to something unrelated and not return at all.  From the time I've reflected upon myself, I found that I'm easily distracted.

I've been trying to understand how best to live with this state and how to be productive in spite of this. Cal Newport's books - Deep Work and Digital Minimalism helped with ways to work with that.

The first important step that defines my day is whether I have taken the time to plan my day out. Take a day where I start my day without planning when I'll do what. I'll find myself starting with my first task and it taking most of the day if not the whole day.
The only solution that worked to avoid this is to take the time to plan the day. In the morning,  sit in front of you calendar and plan all the things you want to do that day in the calendar.  This step will create an intentional day. It will make it easy to resist the distractions and plough ahead. It also is the rock to which we can return to if we have wandered somewhere unrelated. This sounds simple but simple things make all the difference. Pair it with the following deep work rules to have a focused day -  Don't use the internet for entertainment and use internet during a specified time.

Breaking the addiction with the mind

What is addiction with the mind. Whenever a thought comes in the mind, we run away with the thought. we are addicted to each thought that the mind brings forth. Without knowing we are flying like a kite in the wind or a flotsam on the sea. This is addiction with the mind.

What if you're doing something important and you have to focus? Is there a way to break this addiction to the mind? There is a way to focus here. You can always build a refuge for focus in your breath.

Whenever you want to focus, start by sitting comfortably and breathing in and out and counting 1. Do this till 8 and then back to 1. In between if you notice that the mind has wandered bring the attention back to breathing and start from 1. By the time you're done you will have gathered your attention and then you can start focusing.

In between thoughts come, you can always tell your mind, not now and keep focusing on the breath. You will see that cravings will rise and fall, thoughts will come and go, but just keep focusing on the breath. This way you can always come back to your breath for focus whenever you feel distracted.

One thing to remember here is that you cannot always ignore the thoughts, but you can temporarily say, not now and continue with what you're doing. Later when you're free and have some spare time, you can ride the urgent thought waves you have been putting away for later and be mindful of what they're trying to tell. That way during the times of focus, they will not make their presence felt urgently.

This might seem like something difficult or unrealistic but it is very true. To create a habit with these, you can always use the habit formation rules of make it obvious, make it attractive, make it easy and make it rewarding. Also remember any habit change is a change of identity. So give enough votes to this new identity of meditator, so that the identity is solidified.

Manage your energy

I come home at 6:30 PM and then have dinner and try to play with my son before preparing for the next day by sleeping etc.

But I feel I'm out of energy by that time, but I want to have enough energy left to do what I want to do.

I found the following advice from the power of full engagement by Tony Schwartz. Here are some things that spoke to me.


Our bodies have a natural 90 - 120 minute cycle where it goes from highly alert and focused state to a concentration trough where it is distracted and unable to concentrate. During this time, it is best to take a break and so something unrelated to work.


If you're stressed and reach out to a default something to beat it like smoking or mindless browsing, try replacing it with deep breathing instead.


If you're feeling emotionally down or depressed, the best solution is to find things for which you are grateful for and express appreciation for them. That will bring you out of your depression and make you feeling good.


If you want to do some things daily but they seem to get squeezed out of your schedule, then try making rituals out of them so that you both allocate some time for them and also they become part of your daily routine.



Of course the other regular advice of be focused, serially single task, work on long term leverage activties - our usual focus rules help.



Then eat healthy, exercise and drink plenty of water - regular diet and exercise advice help too.



Once a day connect with your why - Why are you doing what you're doing - Meditate or journal about this. This will help clarify and recommit to your goals and start the day with more energy.



It is a good time to remember the future self test- Will what I'm doing now help or hinder my future self. Always try to help it as your future will become present soon enough!



Engage fully with what your'e doing and be grateful! 

Focus

Drona was teaching archery to Pandavas and Kauravas. There was bird on top of which of which the eye was to be shot. He asked everyone what they were seeing and they
replied like they were seeing a the sky, the tree, the branches, moving leaves, the bird on which the branch was sitting etc. Only Arjuna replied that he was
seeing only the eye of the bird. It seemed like a impossible tale for me as I thought it was impossible to see only the eye of the bird without seeing the other things
surrounding it.

Only now I understood that it was a lesson about focus. It is not seeing but the ability  to look. The ability to ignore extraneous details and to just focus on
what is important. To be able to really see only what we want to see. To be able to say no to other interesting things vying for our attention. The narrower the focus
the easier it is to hit the target.